Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
