Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
