I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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