Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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