Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
