Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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