Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
