Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
