He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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