the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I wish there were birth control emojis
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
