Porn is love you can see.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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