I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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