I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
