fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
