I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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