If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
