hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
