You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
