is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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