How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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