I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
