i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
