well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
