Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
