I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
