Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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