so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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