i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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