My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
