I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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