So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
