So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
