Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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