you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
