Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
