remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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