The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
