I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Dicks are not precious.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
