1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize