idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
