my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
