I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
