yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I need to sanitize my soul.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
