I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
