and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
