I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me