Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
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She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
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You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.