I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
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i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
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Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks