would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question