he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.