just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
