11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
