His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
