dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
