I wish I could teleport
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
please come you make the beer taste better
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
