I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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