I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
