i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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