I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
