i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
