Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
