I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
