She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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