I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
