He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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