I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
