420 ftw
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
