Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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