so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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