69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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