why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
