don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
last night I used snow as a chaser
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