We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
