You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
