so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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