What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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