It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
