So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
