You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
sarcasm needs its own font
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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