Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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