I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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