You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
